Made in China

Why is it that "Made in China" will make me spout off curses and talk about downgrading with cheap shit more than anything else? Is there a bike company that makes bike somewhere other than China? And is affordable?

$5 Dance

Did you see the President and the shoe incident? Me and my mom were just talking about it. She says the Iraqi guy was trying to protect him, not really, but anyway... like he was holding the $5 in his hand. That's the best we can do? The leader of the free world, no matter how hated he is, get's the five dollar dance and that's it.

What a world...

I Don't Know

So my daughter, after telling all of us why she needed to be excused from the dinner table, (she had to make a number 2) is spending too much time in the bathroom. I call out to her, "hey, what are you doing?" Her reply "I don't know". And neither do I...

Rain, Rain

So in my first "vacation" since I can remember, what does it do? Rains. Everyday of this vacation, rain. Almost makes one wish they were at work. Ok maybe not...

Twilight

My daughter is one of those "Twilight" nerds or whatever. I'm trying to deal with it rationally, but she is making it hard. All this writing on yourself and your clothes, I just don't know. I'm going to scream... but isn't that the point?

Singing

So we have a bit of a musician in my daughter. Do you remember the humpty dance?




This is kind of what we got. Except my daughter sings "Everybody loves hump...........Long pause is hers, not mine........tey dumpty". She pick's the most opportune times to sing it too. Like in the middle of the grocery store, at school, at some meeting, she really has it down. Good thing she's cute.

Sometimes life deals you...

...the odd. I woke up this morning to my daughter yelling "Goodbye pee pee!" inside the toilet, as in, she put her head inside the toilet and wished her pee pee good day.

Got Sleep?

Apparently "Sleep Deprivation" is something that's included in the time change. I know, you wouldn't think so, but it is. My 2-year-old keeps waking up at odd hours (2,3,4am) and somehow has to be wrangled back into bed...

Which then of course makes the adults wake up, and then have a hard time getting back to sleep.

The joys of parenting.

Think spicy

While out and about this past Halloween my daughter, the little one, called anything that was scary spicy. She knows the word scary, in fact uses it quite well. But for whatever reason, everything was spicy. Go figure...

The Free, Aint So Free Anymore

The "Free Paper" isn't going to be free anymore.... Do you hear horse laughter?

That would be me.

Maybe they'll actually do some reporting, maybe. I think it's the end however. I had some friends that worked there and I know how certain people "are". Too bad, but that's business. I wonder how long it will take. Because lord knows nobody is going to pay for VOXes and puppy stories. Too bad huh? Their subscription numbers are going to resemble my 401k.

How Come

Your bed is never as comfortable as it is when you have to get up?

Questions

We had a conversation on things you see on the road today. Specifically talking about shoes. You always see just one shoe, never two. So we wonder, how did it get there? Was it from a one legged man? Did a person get hit and it knocked the shoe off? Was there some kind of road rage? Questions remain.

Ouch!

After watching the Classic Film Friday entry, my 2-year-old is putting ideas in our heads about dance lessons... Oy, this is going to hurt.

TV Aint got no Recession

Last night we were flipping though channels trying to find something to watch and then we saw it...

A $153.75 Santa Claus with skates. I can't believe it, isn't there a recession right now? Who the fuck is going to spend 153 bucks plus shipping for this made in China shit?!?!?

Oy!

At Least

Watching my 401k literally evaporate and the economy in the tank... At least we have.... what do we have?

Take a Break

My two-year-old looks at me while we're eating lunch as says "Get your rake, and take a break".

What that means I haven't a clue, a budding "rapper"?!? ...maybe.

Why?

Why are children, especially little ones, able to find your kidneys with their feet? I think I'd have come out better in the ring with Mike Tyson, than one sleepless night with my child. At least I get to come to work instead of giving her the opportunity for round 2. lol

Pet Peeve

I have a bit of a pet peeve. It involves driving. I'm not going to speed up if you ride my bumper. I'm not. Ever. And especially if it's in my own neighborhood. There are kids and adults and dogs and even the stray amount of wildlife... not to mention a few Mexicans. `Aint gonna' do it.

If you are consistently late, wake up sooner. Otherwise just enjoy the drive. It's your last bit of peace before the workday starts.

Want Some Melamine?

Melamine scandal hits candy makers... I know, you really can't help but buy things made in China, but good god. First it was dog food, cat food, now milk and candy. Poor China...

OMG!!!

This is funny. It's not just that children are coming out of a dick.... that's bad enough, but the song, which is Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody with kazoo, now that is classic.

Embarrassment is...

Saying you'll fill up your wife's car and she cranks up the radio because Billy Joel comes on. Except it's not really a rock song (it's Piano Man) and it's not really a kick ass system, it's factory Honda. But she turns it up anyway and all I can do is shrug. Yes that was me at Enmark in case anybody was wondering, and yes not only did we have it turned all the way up, there was singing by one passenger as well. I'm sorry for that.

You like my hair?

My daughters, how I love them. My little one was in the bed this morning... my bed... and in the morning you have to walk on eggshells with her because you're just one bad move away from a meltdown. So anyway, I avoided a significant emotional event (barely, I was trying to put my arm around her) and she says, "You like my hair?" "I love your hair, in fact I love every part of you."

And she gave me a kiss.

Sometimes you screw up and other times you're a genius...

Jesus of Prague

My wife has this Jesus of Prague statue that was her grandmother's. It's a piece of plastic, about 4-5 inches in length tops. My 2-year-old likes playing with it, even though we don't encourage it. Anyway she woke up about 5am and settled back into bed with us after going potty. We were one big snuggley pile. Then we get up, My daughter has her breathing treatment (she has a cold) and after what was a great morning, she takes Jesus and throws him to the floor, mad, about something I did. (maybe)

We make her pick him up, give him a kiss and put him back. Even I wouldn't admonish Jesus... too much.

Plumber

My wife and young daughter got home a little late yesterday. Work and stuff, anyway when they get home it's dicey on what kind of mood my daughter is going to be in. So as my wife runs upstairs to change I look over at my daughter. She has, what I call "plumber". You know, when your crack is hanging out of your pants. I tell her (because I think joking with her will crack the ice) that she has plumber. She looks back at me and says "No going to Wal-Mart" and skirts up the stairs after her mother.

Yep, it's the life I live.

A moment

So I had my bonchica-bow-bow moment the other day. My daughter and I were assembling a side table for my bedroom. There is a basket in our bedroom that my other daughter uses for toys. So my 12-year-old happens to notice a pair of underwear in the toy basket... She can't understand how it got there. I do, most any adult would, but she can't comprehend it... which is probably a good thing.

Checkout

I'm leaving Wal-Mart, my most favorite thing to do, and the guy is checking receipts like they do at Sam's. But the Wal-Mart man really isn't checking anything, because he said so. We stopped and said "we have two receipts" thinking that he might want to know that bit of information, but he didn't, he said " I aint got time to look at all of that". One wonders what exactly is he doing then?

Old Spice

I'm not really all about commercialism, but old spice almost makes me want to buy their stuff.... I said almost. Still, if you have time check them out, their swagger line is if nothing else, funny.

Don't Bite

So we were outside, enjoying the nice weather. My wife and I on the hammock. I was telling my wife how we were laying too close to the bird feeder, and she replied "Don't bite the hand that feeds" (a Madagascar movie quote) and my little girl says "don't bite the hammock?" Yeah it's the life I live.

Hurricanes

Hurricane coverage makes me want to throw up. Sure everybody evacuate, but the news? We're going to be right there taking every squall and rain drop coming. Whatever...

Not For Kids

You know I intended this blog to be adult in nature. That's just warning everyone. Turn away!



Now, have you ever really thought about the act of sex? It's kind of gross, somewhat repetitive, and surely comical... But when you have to scratch that itch, you'll be looking like a dumbass just like the rest of them... just sayin'

The Oreo Debate

I like the cookies part of Oreos my wife likes the cream part. I called her a communist because she likes the double stuff Oreos. Why? because there is something Un-American about getting less, for the the same price.* There is less total number of cookies in the double stuff bag. My wife's answer to that? Get Two Bags!

Hmpf....

* yes I know you get more cream, but I wonder about double. You still get less cookies.

Why I'm Here

I made a mistake... while inebriated of saying something that was so outrageous everyone got a big laugh out of it. That's what I'm here for, so go ahead laugh.

Armpits

Ok I have a new "how close do you come to the Olympics". It's when I shower, everyday I shower (except maybe weekends) and I get to that point where you have to rinse your armpits. That's my Olympic moment that I share with all the male gymnasts out there. At no other time do I raise my arms in such a way.

My Ups

I think I'm going to sue somebody. Apparently people have taken to REAL pool pooping everywhere. I need my "ups". Thats all I'm saying...

What Do You Think?

Bob Costas looks like Moe from the 3 Stooges. What's with that hair? Is it a toupee or wig? Jeeze...

In Comfort

I think of all kinds of things while I cut grass, which right now is once a week (the grass, not the thinking). So anyway, once I finished cutting grass I though to myself, "Now the dogs can piss in comfort."

Hot Outside

So which is right? My daughter, who is only 2, and goes out to play at preschool, or my wife's school which does inside recess? Who is the pantywaist? Who's the tough guy? Is anyone right, wrong or in-different?

Farts

So my daughter... the little one, get on my lap, and sticks her butt up in the air. I "mock spank" her and she farts on me. Please tell me, who do you think runs my house? LOL

End of the Month

So it's the end of the month, and like so many of us out there, I have reports and things to do at the end of the month; but, why?

They do the Darnedest Things...

So my daughter was raring to go, just one problem... All she was wearing was shoes. Nudity is a concept missed by my child.

Grass

So I'm tired of cutting grass, and I'm not affluent enough to afford someone else to do it...

Bring on the cold weather!

It'll either slow down/stop the growing or at least make it more comfortable while doing the cutting.

Kids

I know now why children are smaller than us adults/parent types. It is so that we can pick up screaming/yelling/otherwise fit causing children, and put them in bed. In my opinion of course...

Shat

We were going to bed (the TV was on) and we see William Shatner on TV. Good lord, this guy is not going to die is he?

What's up with the Shat?

Seriously...

Squirrelly

You have to act a little squirrelly sometimes... to throw you off kilter.

So my wife tells me anyway.

Miss USA

It was like it was out of a comic book. I come upstairs (about10:00 or so) I look at the TV and there is Miss USA on her ass... again. That's just weird, especially since I don't even watch that sort of thing.

Why Worry?

What's the biggest thing that I miss about being north of 30? Sex. I really wish I could be 18 again, just for a roll in the sack. I'm not saying I don't have sex, it's just a different kind of sex. Now I worry about everything, back when I was younger, I didn't even know there was anything to worry about. You know, bills, gas, or the off hand chance of performance anxiety.

Here's Burt

My wife, god love her, has this laugh, not the way she always laughs, just sometimes that sounds just like Burt Reynolds laugh. We like Burt, if for nothing more than his laugh.

Smell Something?

While at Disney, my wife looked distraught, she said "That's some European BO right there". I had no idea, or inclination to compare. We moved on quickly and I never smelled it.

The New Family

I can't help but wonder... with going to Disney World and all... If the new family includes me. Looking around I'd say this calibrated eye leads me to think no. No tattoos (though if that's you thing, go for it) Don't really subscribe to the spoil your kids montage, I'm pretty much a Clark Griswold of sorts, and that makes me endangered? Maybe...

Who's is it?

So i didn't know it, but I've been driving my daughter's car and sleeping in her house... this has taken a great ordeal off of me. Just think, I never have to pay for these things again, it's hers not mine, I wonder if the lenders would go along with it...

Security

You know I spent 1/2 a day at the airport over the weekend, which completely wrecked any plans I had, but anyway... I saw like maybe 10-12 security guards there, complete with guns and how many cops did I see on the way to the airport? None, just think about that for a minute.

Days in the Week

I am so ready for it to be the weekend, so so so ready. But be careful, Saturday or Sunday especially is the closest day to Monday... we all know how that day works out.

New Product

Bath and Body Works anti-bacterial soap... Good if you want to smell good, but absolutely useless if your hands are dirty.

Dieing

When you sit down and think about it, it's not really dieing that you have to be afraid of... I mean once your dead, thats it your dead and whatever deity of your believe system takes over. It's the living that really scares the shit out of me.

Awww Nuts

Ok so we were outside yesterday and my daughter (the 2-year-old) notices my male dog's nuts and says "go poopoo?" Apparently she isn't quite up to speed on anatomy just yet.

Dogs

This ought to make all the animal people (rescue and the like) want to stand on their head. Check out NuNu's Story.

It's Hot

I know it's my birthday and all that, but I just saw a crow sitting in a ditch, it looked like it was trying to cool off as there was a little water in the ditch. I've not seen anything like it. He looked miserable... It is hot outside.

What Day Is It?

For a brief moment, like maybe 1/2 a second or less, I thought today was Saturday... Alas it is only Wednesday. The beginning of it at that.

Hateful

Some people just don't "get it". They think they're being witty or something by putting someone down. All that's really happening is the collective turns on you, and you make no sense. Yep, been there, done that.

This Time

Ever been the last one to find out that somebody or something doesn't want you? That's messed up, but at least I can say it's not me... this time.

Iron Man

I was in Target last night. And I saw these two kids kind of eying me up and down. Finally one says... "You look like Iron Man". I winked at him. Because I just might in fact be Iron Man. They spent the rest of their visit calling Iron Man... but he didn't answer

The Ultimate Equalizer

Just think you're in what most consider an upscale neighborhood and you see a fluffy dog... you know the kind that's named Mr. Muggles or FeFe, that kind of dog, then it takes a shit right there in front if you (probably the neighbor's yard) and suddenly it's just another dog... another. dog.

Mr. T

Did you know what today is?

Mr. T's Birthday Fool.


Big Ups Mr. T!!!

Anger

Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one. Benjamin Franklin

Just some words I thought I'd pass on, when times seem at their darkest.

The Tops

Today's comic just underlines what everybody already knew. You might be a Top Dog temporarily, but if you're an Ugly Dog, you're one forever. Congratulations Thumper, though never a Top Dog you'll always be ugly, people can't take that away from you...

Party Time

You know with the summer, comes parties, and what comes along with that? Drunk women. Why is it when an intoxicated man is at a party, people try to avoid him, but if that drunk happens to be female, suddenly it's a very good party? Just wondering... maybe I go to the wrong parties.

Nothing

I'm reminded by my daughter's continuous watching of Winnie the Pooh of a saying. I want to do nothing. That is.... you say you are going to do nothing, and you go and do it. That is what I aspire to. To do... nothing.

Cool Points

There is no way you can recover any "cool points" once you trip or fall, unless at least one other person tripped or fell at the same time, for the same reason.

Dr. Dolittle

So I was outside and my daughter (the 2-year-old) hears some crows. I ask her if she can call to them. She did, and then all the crows took off. I have no idea she could talk to the animals

It's True

"You are such a dad" said my wife after I made a comment on the music my daughter was listening to... Yes, I am such a dad.

Blockbuster Movies

Summer blockbuster movies start in less than 2 weeks. Iron Man, Speed Racer, perhaps Indiana Jones... will make untold millions. To bad we wont do anything but go to them, as its been shown that when our economy is not doing so good, we like the fantasy escapisms found in movies.

Christians

I wonder, does Jesus, like Santa Claus, take off? His BIG days are Christmas and Easter... so do you think he's chillin' in the Bahamas now?

Running Away

Sometimes I feel like running away because of the problems that surround me. The reality is however, that I am fine, and don't need to go anywhere. But still there are those urges to run. Thank goodness I've got great people around me, or I would be writing this from somewhere else.

Cold

When I wake up, on a cold morning like this... yes 50 is cold... It always strike me as odd that the bathroom is full of surfaces that are "cold" to touch. No more so that when the shower door hits me in the ass.

HGTV

Just wondering out loud here. How green is it to have 2 big light up signs for the HGTV Green home? It seems that it wouldn't be green at all. But what do I know???

Spring Break... Over

Well I guess spring break is over… I know, it hurts, but just think you’re that much closer to summer (and Christmas too, but still)

One Thing Leads to Another

For me anyway if it's not one thing, it really is another. From stroke victim to back injury to cold to who knows what. At least it is all things I can handle. I mean nobody's pregnant or only got 3 weeks to live. So no matter how bad it is, it could probably be worse...

Beach Front Property

Perhaps I'll buy some land somewhere out in Jasper County, somewhere inland, and make it beach front property... Of course that'll only work if it keeps raining...

Tired

You know that you're tired when you haven't even gotten into the car to came to work yet, and already you're thinking about taking off. Or wishing you won the lottery.

Idiots...

My definition of an idiot would have to include any person who glad speaks. You know, no matter what took place, this person is going to put it in the best light. This is probably the worst kind of person there could be. Nice and sweet to your face, but deep inside lurks a poison that nobody can cure.

Kids

The problem with today's kids or most of today's kids is they can't really see the future. It's a temporary problem however, as they eventually grow up.

Happiness

To be happy is to not read the newspaper... at all. Too bad I'm a glutton for punishment.

Thought for the Day

Maybe we shouldn't "point the camera" on us unless we're ready for anything and everything that could come up...

Housing

Maybe if we really want to fix the housing crunch we'll work on cheaper gas, or cheaper gas would make it possible to make another payment on the house... their in a race to see who breaks first... I think...

Waste of Time

There has never been such a waste of time as there is in getting mad at stupid people. Not only is it fruitless, often times you'll wind up madder than when you started. And when yet more stupid people come to the aid of the first idiot, it's just that much worse. So don't waste your time...

President's Day

Everybody geared up for President's Day Weekend? Come on. Yeah...Feel It. I'm just wondering if anybody else has the holiday on their mind...

Valentine's Eve

Men, this to the men, tomorrow signals the beginning of dating season... good luck

Mardi Gras

Mardi Gras was last week. Odds are, 99.97% of you missed it. Too bad.