Number One

So what is the most important thing about the coming new year? Paying your taxes of course. Why SC does this is beyond me, but I think lots of states do it.

So... Just Wondering

I wonder, how many people will succumb to the food poison of Thanksgiving. I know nobody wants it to happen to them, but you gotta know that it happens. Who will be next? lol

Cat or Human?

So my littlest one had a bout with gas. My wife thought it was the cat purring, nah... it was the baby farting. Ah memories are being made aren't they?

And the Winner Is...

The 3-year-old: "This will shock you" pointing at the pencil sharpener.

Me: "I think you mean sharp, so will it stab me?"

The 3-year-old: "No, daddy it doesn't stamp" with a look of indignation.

I gave up, she won...

Why Danny?

I have been following Danny DeVito on twitter since I started twittering. Does the man have an obsession with his balls, or is this some kind of saying, that I don't know?

Wanna Fight?

I saw a kid in Wal-Mart with a red T-shirt, and it said "Obama said knock you out" and it had Mohamed Ali, with Obama's face on it. I can't even fathom what that was supposed to mean.

Chuck

So my wife enters the Chuck Norris factoid legion. She said to me, Chuck Norris once farted and thus we have Global Warming.

Who Wrote These Rules Anyway?

So we were having a discussion about the "internet rules" and rule 34. I have had one suggested to me. Rule 659, "Shut the hell up!" That is all...

Can You Hear?

You can hear it... the wailing, the crying, the fit... of getting her hair brushed early in the morning. Yep, it is back to school time. lol

Don't Back Up

So my wife retells a story about how my 3-year-old is telling the nurse/ultrasound tech how the baby will get milk from mommy's boobies (multiple times). Of course my wife was mortified. But, really I'll take solace in a phrase that was told to me long ago... As long as you're telling the truth, there is no need to back up. And there you go.

Iron Man ...part II

You may remember this post about some young kids thinking I was Iron Man. Well I can add other person to my legion of fans (3 so far), it is the same person that thinks his own son looks like Will Smith. That person is my Father-in-Law. He says to me, "Yeah when the sun makes you squint, you look like Iron Man." Whatevs...

A question to ponder...

Fireworks.

How do they get from place to place... because you can't really ship them, seems weird if you ask me. I'm just saying, I have never seen a delivery truck in front of one, and FedEx or UPS or the USPS won't ship them. How do they get there?

Hmmmm...

Live Long and....

I know... I haven't posted here in awhile, maybe this will make up for that...

My 3-year-old got a toy with her happy meal, it was of Spock and it said his famous saying... I asked my daughter what he said and she said, "Hang on and pasta" which isn't at all what he said, but funny none the less.

What's That Smell?

Do your feet stink? The answer is yes. At least it is yes if you ask my 3-year-old. She'll bend down, take a whiff, and tell you if you like. But the answer is always yes, they do stink. I could have my feet washed and lathered up with cinnamon buns, they'd still stink... according to my daughter. The only saving grace is that her feet, again according to her, stink as well. Everybody's feet stink. Oh what a world.

And yes, it does a little something to your own self-confidence to have a 3-year-old tell you your feet smell bad. Do they really stink? Hmmmm.....

Napoleon

A very disturbing fact arose lately. My daughter, the 13-year-old, does a very good impression of Napoleon Dynamite. Sure the resemblance is there, kind of stupid, long legged, pubescent sort of angst. I'm just disturbed at how well she does it.


Napoleon Dynamite - Tina Eat the Food - Celebrity bloopers here

A Dog

Is a dog less of a dog for not wanting to get his feet wet? We're not talking 'swimming pool' wet, just 'morning dew' kind of wet. Anyway, one of my dogs hates to get wet so much that he hops on three legs, I'm guessing saving one foot is better than nothing, when I take him out to relieve himself. If I can get a movie, you can bet I'll YouTube it. For now, just take my word for it: it's funny.

St. Patrick

We should all gives thanks to St. Patrick, the patron saint of pollen. I'm just sayin'....

Got Math?

So I just overheard a conversation between my 3-year-old and my 13-year-old. It went something like this:

3-year-old: What are you doing Sissy?

13-year-old (Sissy): My math homework.

3-year-old: Math? What cha' talking about math?

And from there it just got messy. My 3-year-old is a letter kind of girl. Who knew?

Karma

I'm posting this, not because I wish any ill will on anyone, but there is a part... a very small part, that's laughing inside. It seems Mr. Rob Holquist has been laid off. This would be sad, except he called me and people like me a "bunch of circle-jerks". I'll take the little bit of karma... even if in a couple of weeks, months, years... I may be in the same boat.

Careful who who step on while on the way up, you'll see them again on your way down.

Just a Tip

See I frequent all kinds of places, online and in real life. Anyone who refers to you as 'gangsta' probably is not someone you want to know. Unless your name is gangsta, the odds of which is likely very slim.

B-12

My wife can go to bed at 9pm and wake up at 9am. I'm envious. What does it take to be so "tired". The lack of a B-12 shot, but still, I've give that up to sleep like that.

Don't Judge a Book By Its Cover

So I have to say, not everything is as it seems. My wife told me a story about bringing my daughter to daycare. Wow huh? Ok so anyway, they meet a little Mexican boy and my wife says "Oh is that Philippe?" Because the boy obviously looked like his name was Philippe, and that's where you would all be wrong (myself included). Philippe is a little boy from the Czech Republic, the Mexican looking kid was named Marvin. It just doesn't pay to leap before you look.

Not A Match

Let me break down a conversation I had with my littlest one. It went something like this:

Littlest: Mommy's a girl

Me: Yep mommy is a girl

Littlest: Sissy's a girl

Me: Uh huh, sissy is a girl

Littlest: And I'm a girl too

Me: Yes you are a girl too

Littlest: Daddy is a boy

Me: That is true

Littlest: There's no match for you daddy. Sorry.

And with that I get a kiss goodnight and she goes to sleep. I have to do something about all the women in my house. Or just move into the garage...

Weather

So, it warms up, gets kind of rainy, the weekend approaches, and it's cold again. I need to be reminded of this when the sweltering weather comes...

Maybe this isn't paradise after all.

What Did I Forget?

So I woke up, did the "three S's", got dressed, got all my stuff, and went to work. But I forgot to run a comb through my hair. I knew there was something I forgot. I'm transported to a time when I'm 10 again, and my school principal is reprimanding me... for not combing my hair. I guess some things never change.

Funny

It's always funny, the impact of one person. The new President will either make great strides to right the wrongs of much of the world, or fall flat on his face... or maybe achieve mediocrity. But then what?

The Bathroom

Why or what is going on in the bathroom that makes my 13-year-old have to constantly be in it? Is it a bad colon/bladder? Is she "pleasing" herself? Does she just want to get away from her parents? Drugs? Good god, I don't know, but I think she spends more time in the bathroom than anywhere else.

The Enigma

And so my youngest has taken to tattling on me. It started with a "He's looking at me" to her mother. Usually while my wife is holding her and them buries her head into my wife's bosom. But last night the needling mental torture kicked in.

She would crawl on the floor until she got to my feet, socks on, shoes off... and take a big sniff, wrinkle her nose, and say "Stinky!" I happen to know my feet don't stink, at least not this time. My 2-year-old daughter is teasing me. It is hard to put into words how disturbing this is.

Where to go from here? A tickling contest? Do I smell her feet and say "Pew, stinky!"? Ignore it? I just don't know...